Being abused sucks

I know anyone would say that being raped is not my fault or that I don't have to be ashamed. The problem comes though, after i ask: what does it certainly mean to be raped? Were stuff happened to myself a rape? I do know these were not what people call 'making love', because since that very day I've experienced too. However i still unsure of what things to call it. My therapist named it rape, but my therapist is without a doubt for my side. Its her job. Thats the issue with things that happened behind those closed door in the intimacy of my bed and from childhood. I didn't and then for a few points still lack a framework of reference an objective strategy to asses so what happened to me. I continued setting myself up, even when I wasn't a baby anymore. I was a willing victim to what my exhusband did in my own opinion, as much as I hated it and was humiliated because of it, I never said no. It was not a forcible rape, it was a rape of my soul plus the shame of them ensured that kept my mouth shut until Which i could not go on it any more.